This season on Big Brother 14...

I don't normally watch TV, but when I do, I watch Big Brother.

Yes, I watched all most of the seasons, but you won't hear me whine about how sucky the current season is comparing to all the rest. I don't get attached to players, except maybe Ian because he is my soul-mate (Those glasses and that brain make my heart skip a beat every time).

One thing I've always wondered though -- how is it that most of these people claim to be die-hard fans and then come on the show and COMPLETELY SUCK??? I personally learned a lot watching 10 seasons, but I am sure it's not as easy as it looks. Nevertheless, if I was a house-guest, I'd impress everyone with my useless knowledge on health supplements and red wine -- as in, I wouldn't impress anyone at all. And that could be my super-duper-special-game-play! HA! Fly under da radar!



So, here is what I think about this season's players. Yes, they are always fun to make fun of...and it doesn't mean that I don't love this season.

Joe: Clearly has no clue how to play the game...and cooking for people won't do it. After all, a good meal is a way to a man's heart and there are also ladies in the house. Also, it's about time Joe practices that whispering technique, because he YELLS A FRICKEN' LOT!!! Maybe the dairy room camera brings out Joe's anxiety?

Frank & Boogie: Annoying and arrogant. Chill-town needs to retire and Frank needs to show us what is hiding under all those orange curls...and get a new t-shirt without Julie Chen's name on it. If anything, she is Dan's homegirl.

Janelle: I have a personal pet peeve with parents calling their children "kid" or "baby," as if they are a THING. Doesn't your "kid/baby" have a name? Don't you love them? Also, flashdance is so 1983.

Dan: One of my favorite players but exactly what kind of strategy did he have by taking the two dumbest and hottest girls on his team? Seriously...no, seriously. I would kind of see it if he wasn't married and completely in love, but Dan needs to stop playing that I-am-a-weak-competitor game, because the rest of the house watched him in a previous season and caught on to it before he even quit the coach team.

Brittney: Okay, best diary room sessions, hands down. Also, worst diet ever.

Ashley: Hahahahahahaha. Whatever Ashley is on...she needs to share it with the rest of America-land, because that would prevent all wars, resolve poverty and put the tobacco and liquor industry out of business.

Danielle: Nurse vs. kindergarten teacher? Seriously? If you were my nurse, I wouldn't trust you to put a band-aid on me with the amount of brain cells (and game-play) you have.

Shane: "The fifteen year old girl called -- she wants her hot-pink tank top back" -- zing bot

Wil: One of the most confusing game-plays of the season, but I am thoroughly jealous of your hair. Like Joe said, if you were sitting at the bar with your back towards me, I would think that you are one hot chick.

Ian: Please tell me about the forces of gravity. AND TAKE THAT DAMN VACATION NEXT TIME.

Willie: I'm glad that you were kicked out and arrested afterwards. You belong in jailz and are not safe to the community.

The rest of the houseguests this season: Who? What? Where?

On a final note,

Laters, hamsters.